Thirty by Thirty

For the past year, two months and eighteen days, I've been almost exclusively dedicated to a little someone we call Ely. It has been a pleasure, truly. I'd call it the best year, two months and eighteen days of my life, without a doubt. I'm happy for every minute of every day that I'm blessed to be able to stay home with our sweet girl.

However, Ely is growing quickly, as kids do. I can't believe how quickly my time with her has flown. If there were a "slow mo" button on her, I assure you, I would have pushed it a loooooong time ago! Alas, she seems to be maturing by the day.

As Ely becomes more independent, I'm finding time to do things for myself. To be straight, I'm talking about Ely being able to play independently or sit in her chair hugging her stuffed animals, not packing her bag for college or changing her own diaper, for that matter! Even as she weans herself away from me (and I cherish every second of her needing me), I'm reminded of what I've always known: She is not "mine" and has her own path in life, which means that no matter how much I wish she would stay this size or never demand her own space/life, she will eventually. So, I need to figure out where that leaves me, without forgetting to relish every second of now.

I've started to think about about what the future might hold for me, when she needs me less intensely. I have some ideas for what might follow for me professionally, but those need to be "baked" a little bit more before sharing them here. Thinking about the professional future, started to remind me of who I was before Ely joined us. I don't miss that girl at all, but I have to admit, I do miss her body!!!

I set a goal for myself: Drop 30 lbs before I turn 30. It's not all baby weight, in fact, most of it (atleast 20lbs) is "stressful, sedentary job" weight that I put on in the two years before I had Ely. When I'm successful, I'll be around where I was when R and I go married. It took alot of work to get into that wedding dress, but I loved the feeling and I want to give it to myself again. I have eight months to do this. I have plenty of time, a plan, and intermediate goals. No need for weird diet and/or chemical products or pills. Is it weird that I'm psyched about this? (and might I confess that I'm writing about it partially because I'm psyched and partially for accountability??)

In all honesty, I don't feel bad about my body right now. It's not perfect, but it's healthy and it gave me this sweet little one sitting next to me and continues to nourish her. I'm thankful for it and to it. It feels like a nursing mom's body, which is fitting. I'm just ready to feel a little more like a lady. I'm ready to love the way a dress looks on.

So, thirty by thirty, here we come. I could definitely use a "support group" anyone out there have a similar goal? We should chat!