tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30343081271162641872024-03-05T02:40:33.123-08:00Ely is Out of my BellyEly's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-61906899393906047772012-05-17T12:09:00.003-07:002012-05-17T12:09:53.259-07:00THAT picture<div>
I recognize that I am SO late on this, but since "everyone" was talking about it last week (and I didn't have time for anything last week), I thought I'd share my reaction to this <a href="http://www.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,20120521,00.html%20" target="_blank">pic</a>:<br />
</div>
<div>
As some of you know, I support extended breastfeeding completely (and yes, I love Dr. Sears, too.)
And honestly, I think breastfeeding needs to be in the public eye so it becomes the "norm", as I believe the ideal "norm" is that a child nurse until
mom <b><span style="text-decoration: underline;">or</span></b> baby are ready to stop. </div>
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</div>
<div>
Eventhough I so strongly support a mother-baby or mother-toddler dyad's right to nurse for as long as they wish, this pic doesn't spark the "ahhh mommy and baby" reaction in me. I was surprise, but when I examined the picture further, I discovered it was the picture, and not the act, that turned me off. </div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
I
think the picture is purposely sexualized and defiant. I mean, do kids
really nurse like that? on a chair? Also, she is in skin tight clothes and
sassy. There's nothing wrong with a sexy, sassy mom, but it plays into the photographer's purposeful sexualization of the act. It is a picture that you could easily "sub" an adult male in and
it would be overtly sexual, and not
because of her boob, but because of the way she
is standing, etc. The little boy is also dressed in adult-ish clothing,
thereby increasing the probability that the whole situation will be
seen as sexual.</div>
<br />
<div>
The way she is standing
also looks like she is making him do it, which is something I've read
alot: that its the mom's own sick-o thing.<br />
<br />
Then, the wording next to the
picture "going to extremes". It may not be the norm, but I wouldn't
call nursing a toddler "extreme"- the window for natural weaning has been calculated on the basis of other mammals' behavior (weight gain, molars, etc.) as being somewhere between 2.5 and 7! Now, please, I am not saying that everyone should nurse unil 7 or even until 2.5. I am just saying that if that is the range nature has set up for us, falling into that range is not "extreme". Again, the pic is playing into the stereotypes.</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div>
So, that is my problem with the picture. Where's the soft couch, a sick
child, a child looking up and smiling, rubbing mom's hair? A chid that
fell and needs comfort?.... none of that is in this picture. I find it rather annoying
that Time was almost certainly out to sexualize, or atleast, villify extended breastfeeding- not an honest debate
about the pros and cons.</div>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-35922781213497344042012-05-16T12:45:00.003-07:002012-05-16T12:53:11.326-07:00Our Casita<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Everyone has their complaints about their
home, right? Mine had horrible floors (until that handy husband o’ mine did
some serious cleaning with some serious machinery and left them look spankin’
new!) My cabinets and countertops leave much to be desired. And this little
casita? It’s on the “wrong” side of town
and perhaps for many, the “wrong” side of the earth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But, you know what? These four walls, six
if we count the laundry room, are special to me. I didn’t realize just how special until late April, when there were reports of various cases of leukemia
in our neighborhood. It was all very Erin Brokovich-y, really. We were looking
at water samples, environmental radiation, meeting and corresponding with
specialists and doctors, researching every possible aspect. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We were doing all of this while simultaneously
looking at houses. I'd done a less thorough search last year, when we were
looking at schooling options. After months of searching for something close to our
favorite schools, but also close enough to R’s job that our family time wouldn’t
be severely impacted, we’d determined this was the best spot for us. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Resuming the search, just in case we HAD to
go, was a complicated/emotional process. It wasn't as simple as choosing another four
walls. We had to re-visit the school issue; examine our values and re-work
fundamental choices about the way we plan to raise Ely; re-map our life plan (a
couple different times); re-evaluate my decision to stay home with Ely and my
independent employment options; discuss what we were (and weren’t) willing to
sacrifice in (and for) a house. There were lots of tears, debate, silence,
worry…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It felt like my house was breaking up with us….and
I was still in love. You see, this is where R and I learned to be married,
where we’ve fought, cried and laughed together. It’s where Chile became home
for me and where I became a full-fledged grown up (although I am not sure when
THAT happened!). It’s where we painted the walls colors my mother would never have
allowed in her house (and have slowly changed them to mom-approved (shall we
call them “mature”?) colors!). It’s where we brought Ely home for the
first time and where we grew into our roles as parents. The prospect of having
to leave had me anxious, to say the least.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On Saturday, we met with a pediatric
oncologist who specializes in leukemia. She happened to be at a national leukemia
conference when the news was aired. She participated in the discussions on the
issue there and at the Ministry of Health. In both venues, it was determined
that our neighborhood presents no increased risk. She pointed out other factors
and possible explanations for the situation. Most importantly, she said that if
it were her family, she would have no hesitations about staying…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This week, I find myself delighting in my
house, bad cabinets and counters and all! Now that the fear, confusion and resentment
have passed, I feel like we’ve given our relationship a fresh start. I even
weeded the front flowerbeds today! This whole ordeal reminded me of all the reasons
I love this casita on the "wrong" side of town- and that the best
thing about our house is who I am fortunate enough to share it with. Because
that little girl and that always-there-for-me-husband-o’-mine? They are “home”.</span></div>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-12310301820327353812011-11-18T10:53:00.001-08:002011-11-18T11:00:31.516-08:00What I wish people had told me…<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">When I was expecting Ely, I often asked other moms “What do you wish you knew before you had the baby?” I gleaned a lot of useful information that way.</span> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">But, you know what I wish someone had said to me? I wish someone had told me, “If you pay attention, they’ll teach you how to do it. Relax.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">They teach you to forget about everything else and hold them.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">They teach you to feed them when they are hungry.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">They teach you to love through the tears, exhaustion and stress.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I don't know if that will be true for the rest of our child rearing years, but up until 2 years, 3 months and 25 days, it is absolutely true.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">She is currently teaching us to potty train her- which was something I really worried about the "hows" and "whens" of. Once again, she is teaching us the biggest lesson she's taught us so far: if we pay attention, she will teach us.</span></p>Who knows whether we are doing it right? But up until this point, I can tell you we're doing this parenting thing in a way that seems to bring great happiness to all three of us, which, at this point, is enough- more than enough, really.Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-19440072278828565562011-10-03T07:26:00.000-07:002011-10-03T07:43:52.214-07:00Sweet Prayers<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">When I was talking about baptizing Ely with the Pastor at Santiago Community Church, he asked some questions, among them "Why do you want to baptize her?" My response was something along the lines of "It is our public acknowledgment that she belongs to God. He created her. He blessed us with her. We have her for the relatively short-term, but she belongs to Him forever." <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I suppose this was my interpretation of Jeremiah 1:5 "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb..."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Some of you will read that and roll your eyes and possibly think I am a complete fool. Some will like the answer.<span style="display:none;mso-hide:all">already stopped reading. .@sittersngs to Gos.r at Santiago Community Church, he asked a perfectly reasonable question.</span> Some may have already stopped reading. No matter what, the answer came from my heart. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(Side note: Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I am far from a model of holiness, let's put that out there right now ...)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Despite ALL my flaws, I have been given a tremendous gift called “Faith”. I don’t know if my parents, society or God himself gave it to me, but I certainly didn't earn it. It has been my calm in so many of the storms of life and I am very grateful for it. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There have been times when I've really questioned the whole God thing. But, I no matter what, I always seem to come back to the "God-shaped hole" in my heart that only He can fill. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I think it follows naturally that I should share this faith with a certain small child in my life. I don't really think of it as teaching her about God, because, I often think she knows much more about Him than I do. </span><span lang="EN-US"> Matthew 19:14 “But Jesus said, “Let the little ones come to me, and do not keep them away: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Recently, as she has started to use “thank you” appropriately and without prodding, we have been praying together. I pray things like “Thank you God for our family, friends, home and countries. Amen.” At first, she didn’t say much, then, after a few days, she prayed “Thank you 'Malia. Thank you Seba." (Her two best buds). Slowly, she started including other people: Ruth (our cleaning lady who is truly a blessing to our house), 'Buela, 'Buelo, Pop Pop, Gramma. Sometimes, when I am really lucky, she includes me on the list of people she is thankful for.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Her prayers really warm my heart. I love the way she looks at me as if to ask "Is that right?" and, perhaps even more, I love reassuring her that "God is yours as much as mine. You can say whatever you want to Him." And the best part: the smile on her face as she feels accepted and approved of by her mommy and her God. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Her prayers are also enlightening. At an age when Ely can be so darn stubborn, praying seems to be the most natural of acts for her. Her prayers are simple. Her prayers are about people. She has yet to say, "Thank you for my new toy." I am sure she will, but it impresses and humbles me how, each night, she remembers the people that she loves instead of the things she has- and, I feel challenged to do the same, not only in prayer, but in all aspects of life.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I suppose this is another reminder that “While we try to teach our children about life, they teach us what life is all about.” </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:Georgia;">~Angela Schwindt</span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-53812225340305127682011-09-10T11:00:00.000-07:002011-09-10T11:07:23.226-07:00On Battles and Wars<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Ely is two-years-and-almost-two-months old. So, while I try to keep battles to a minimum, it goes without saying that we have our fair share. I do my very best to focus on the "war", even if it means losing some battles. Let me share a couple receent issues with you.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The other day I dressed Elisa in khakis and a purple fleece pull over, but she thought the outfit was lacking a little flare. So, she went into her dress-up drawer and pulled out a pink “bailaelisa” (which means “dance Elisa” in Spanish, but it’s really Ely-ese for any tutu, skirt or dress).</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Our plans for the day included YuKids. So, Ely took her nap and we were on our way- bailaelisa and all. I asked her to take the "bailaelisa" off twice, once before we left the house and once as we were getting out of the car. Both times, she answered with a very solid “no”. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So, I didn’t push too hard. Ely pranced around the mall with her “bailaelisa" and an extra big grin.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I tell you this to prove that I DO pick my battles. Now, I’ll tell you about a battle I chose to fight: Ely’s bangs!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">They <u>were</u> cute and wispy, until she got one of those helmet cuts. Right there, in the hair salon, I decided that the bangs were history and started putting barrettes in her hair (a million times a day).</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Well, 25,000 lost barrettes later, I was about to give up. Until, I asked a friend how she got her toddler to wear a barrette. The reply was so beautifully simple and obvious: "I just don't cut her bangs". Um, duh!! If I followed this mom’s advice, I was guaranteed a win! Option one: Her bangs bother her enough that she agrees to the barrette. Option two: I deal with the shag until the bangs grow out. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And so the silent war began. I offered barrettes regularly and she refused. Her bangs are in eyes. She has to tilt her head up to see anything. It isn’t the cutest look I've ever seen, but I am holding out. Perseverance was the name of the game. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She doesn't know I can take care of the problem, therefore, there is no strife. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I was relaying my technique to my uncle and he said, “you are not going to win”. When I assured him I would he just repeated himself. Now, I don’t know whether or not he was talking about Ely's hair, but I started thinking about his comment on a level that had little to do with hairstyle...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I think of successful parenting as raising well-adjusted citizen(s) who (gasp!) don't <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">need</i> their parents anymore. Now, hopefully, if parents play their cards right, kids recognize their efforts and sacrifices and enjoy their parents’ company enough to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">want</i> them around. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">If I am being honest, the thought of Ely not <span style="font-style: italic;">needing</span> me anymore breaks my heart just a little bit. I assume/hope that it will get easier as she gets older and pushes away slowly. (Please, do it slowly baby.) But, no matter what, parenting doesn't sound so win-win to me. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Actually, it sounds like I get to pour my heart and soul into someone else's well-being with the best possible result being pride in a job well done- and maybe a grandbaby to cuddle. And the worst possible outcome: well, let's not go there... So, maybe it is true. Maybe I can’t win. But, I hear that “it’s not if you win or lose. It’s how you play the game.” And to these games (bang eradication and motherhood) are worth the fight.<br /></span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-30281250249763785262011-08-17T16:16:00.000-07:002011-08-17T16:46:36.208-07:00Mommy-leaving Day<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapedefaults ext="edit" spidmax="1026"> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapelayout ext="edit"> <o:idmap ext="edit" data="1"> </o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It’s been a long time. Besides the fact that avoiding meltdowns and proactive behavior management is a little more time consuming with a two-year-old (yes, 2!!!) than it was when I first starting writing, I have also taken on free-lance translating. I am finding it to be the challenge and non-baby-related mental stimulation that keeps me feeling like an active part of society. In addition, we've had some awesome time with family and friends. So, those are my excuses and I present them to you in hopes that my long break does not mean that my blathering license has been revoked. 'Cause tonight, I need it...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">My mom left today after a visit of a little more than three weeks. We didn't do much exciting. At all. But, it was just wonderful having her here. I've been living in Chile since 2004 and I have dropped my mom (and when I am lucky, my dad too) off at the airport at least once a year since then- and sometimes more than that. You would think that it gets easier… it does not.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Each time since Ely was born, my mom has given me some words of mothering encouragement when she leaves. At the beginning, when Ely was 4 weeks old, she said “You can do this.” After that, it has been some version of “You’re doing a good job.” I think it goes without saying that it feels good to get such a compliment from my mom (even though I recognize that there is some bias </span><span style="font-family:Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-hansi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Wingdings" lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Wingdings">J</span></span><span lang="EN-US">). First of all, as a stay-with-my-kid mom, it isn't often that I get feedback on my "job performance”. Of course there are the kisses, hugs and tantrums, but they seem to be allocated randomly and not necessarily a reflection on that day’s parenting.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I never have it together enough to say much more than “thank you” through the tears. I think it goes without saying, though, that the vast majority of how I parent is a reflection of how I was parented. I sure hope she knows that I recognize that (and after reading this, she surely will!). But what I really want to say is that if I ever let Ely out of my sight (joking!), I would hope that she feels the way I feel when I have to leave my mom (or dad). I would take that as a tremendous testament to my success as a mom. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now onto real life, in which I take Ely for walks by myself, eat considerably healthier food and no longer have my favorite "laundry tramp"... I hope this “real” life will include some time to write a little more.
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">Here's an unrelated tidbit of cuteness for you:
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Mommy: "Ely, how do you say "cookie" in Spanish?"</p><p class="MsoNormal">Ely: "Baby's cookie."</p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /><span lang="EN-US"></span></p> Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-72938104800795681732011-02-08T15:22:00.000-08:002011-02-08T15:48:07.019-08:00Give it back!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>ES</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> 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mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">About two weeks ago, Ely was sick and wanted ‘num’ (her code name for nursing) every.second.of.the.day. While I was glad to be able to provide nourishment and comfort while she was sick, by the end of it, I was ready for her to get.off.me! I love her dearly, as you know, but I needed space. I went out with friends one night and came back a new woman.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">A week later, she had a REALLY bad night. Once I made sure she wasn’t sick or teething, instead of feeling the normal compassion, I was just frustrated and again feeling like I needed SPACE! I thought about it for a day or so and made a big decision… it was time for night weaning.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Ely is 18<span style=""> </span>½ months old and we are on night four of night weaning. Some nights are better than others, but she understands when I tell her that “I don’t want to do num right now” and offer her ‘juice’, which is really water. (You’ll keep my secret, right?)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><span style=""> </span>Sometimes she cries and I hold her and reassure her. <span style=""> </span>I tell her that growing up IS very hard, but mommy needs to sleep, too. Sometimes, she rolls over and goes back to sleep. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I’m glad to be doing this at an age when she understands what I’m saying to her. I’m glad that I waited until now because I’m so very confident that she knows I love her beyond words. I’m also glad that I was able to wait until it felt right for me, not because someone else was pushing me to do it. All those things together make me really confident in the decision. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Of course, I’m getting less sleep than when I just nursed her <span style=""> </span>at night and if this continues for much longer, I totally reserve the right to change my mind… That said, let me tell you a funny, if gross, little ditty from night 2.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">We were spending some “awake time” together around 3am, much to my dismay. She was reaching her hands out and playing with them. I thought she wanted to hold my hand, as she often does. So, I relished the moment and played with her little fingers…and she SCREAMED!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I’m not talking about a little cry. It was heads and shoulders above her, ‘I’m upset. I want ‘num’’ cry. This was an all out scream. I tucked her under my arm and rocked her. It continued and I was confused... until I felt it…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">She had apparently been picking her nose and had a ‘treasure’ on her hand. When I lovingly played with her fingers, I’d unknowingly removed the treasure. The blood curdling screams were all because…she wanted her booger back! She hadn’t been reaching for me. She was playing with it- and I’d stolen it!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Oh, the joys of motherhood! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The happy ending: I did not give it back and she went back to sleep without ‘num’- that time.</span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-19705890098846503702011-02-08T15:18:00.000-08:002011-02-08T15:21:24.332-08:00Birth plans...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>ES</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> 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Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">When I first started reading about “birth plans”, I rolled my eyes a little and thought, ‘Ugh! Another indicator of how our society misses the mark.’ I thought these women were a little presumptuous in writing down their 'plan of events’, wanting to control everything. </p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">You see, whether you believe it to be God’s or nature's plan, things go like this: labor starts, cervix dilates, mom pushes, and baby comes out. The rest is just (uncontrollable) details. That’s just the way it’s going to go down.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">Unless, it doesn’t… I wrote about Ely's birth<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://elyisoutofmybelly.blogspot.com/2010/11/mother-lionesses-unite.html"> here</a>, but didn't really go into the core of the "problem". A couple days after she was born, I sobbed to R, "If my body can't complete the most basic act of motherhood: giving birth, maybe I’m not cut out to be a mom." (This self doubt really hurt, not only because I<span style=""> </span>doubted my ability to care for my sweet baby girl, but<span style=""> </span>because I've always known I wanted children. In fact, that is the only thing that I have ever been SURE I wanted.) </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">R reassured me that I, and my body, were made for this motherhood thing and filled in with the parenting duties while my hormones settled a little. The feeling subsided slowly. I credit establishing a successful nursing relationship with helping soothe these wounds. You could say nursing, and even “extended” nursing was my own personal “bu-ya! I can TOO do this! My body WAS meant for motherhood”. (I'd guess that has at least a small bit to do with why we're still at it.)</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">In an effort to understand what had happened and heal, I read about other women who'd had similar experiences. I talked to friends. Overwhelmingly, women with unplanned c-sections were regretful of the way "it had all gone down". The personal acceptance processes ranged from almost immediate to prolonged mourning of their birthing experience.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">I think the latter is probably confusing to women who haven’t suffered an unplanned c-section. What does it matter what “door” the baby comes out? Logically, it shouldn’t. Unfortunately, logic has very little to do with the birthing process. </p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">I’d suggest that giving birth is, at its core the most animal thing we do as “civilized” human beings. There are cultural norms surrounding eating and sex, but there are no such rules about growing and birthing a baby. (If you’ve ever seen a video of a natural birth, the “sound track” is quite animal-like. I think we can all agree on that.) Our bodies are pre-programmed to do it and societal norms have very little influence on whether we can complete the task successfully (except for the against-gravity position that most hospitals put you in, which is arguably a “societal norm”).</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">Did you know that some mammal mothers who do not feel their baby come through her birth canal does not recognize their young? Maybe my feelings of self-doubt after my c-section weren’t illogical. Maybe they were animal. There’s a whole hormonal sequence that I missed. It came later, in the form of oxytocin, but those first few days were pretty painful (emotionally).</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">And so, I’ve concluded that birth plans ARE an indicator of how our society misses the mark, but not in the way I originally thought. Birth plans are women's desperate attempt to reclaim the birthing process, to ask others to support us in what our bodies know how to do naturally.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal">Of course, there are times when I thank God obstetricians exist. They are necessary, without a doubt, but living in a country where the Cesarean rate is 40%, I think it's time they back off a little bit and let us and our babies do what our bodies we were meant to. Unless mom or baby are in danger (or simply want to do it another way), I think we, as a society, would benefit from letting things "go down" the way they were meant to.<br /></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-32885236202541750422011-02-01T16:49:00.000-08:002011-02-01T16:51:22.582-08:00The Magic Water Finding Man<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I have a close relationship with my parents. We get along <span style=""> </span>well (unless I'm trying to make my mom clean out an area of the house that she doesn’t want to clean). I talk to them on Skype almost every day. My husband genuinely loves them (and not just in that "they're my in-laws, so I have to” way.). I am an only child. I birthed the only grandchild. <span style=""> </span>Logic would dictate that being so far apart is not the ideal long-term situation for us. Logic would be correct.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">In their classic selflessness, they are planning split their retirement time between Chile and an undefined location, at least for the first couple years when mobility is not an issue. Then, who knows what is in the cards, although I'd venture a guess that they'll spend more time here. (If you're confused as to why, refer back to my being an only child and having the only grandbaby- grandbaby being the main attraction, of course!)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">While I love my house and it’s fine for extended visits, I think we all agree that a little bit more privacy/different lay out, is vital if we're all going to be together long-term. So, in 2007 we found a piece of property out where my in-laws live (yes, family is THAT important to us that we are going to try to live close together.) And there our little parcel of land sat…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Until my parents' Christmas visit, when my father starting pushing to get the ball rolling on building this place we've talked about building for four years. First order of business- find out where the ground water is. So, we did... but not how you think we did. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It was important to do this step in the summer, when the water levels are at their lowest. So, about a month ago, we called a "brujo" (literally a warlock, but in this case, I like "magic water finding man" better because there’s no witchcraft involved) and he appeared one afternoon with two copper rods and a crystal ball on a pendulum. ... hold on, I'm serious. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I was (understandably?) skeptical. So he let me try out the rods- and they really do work by themselves!! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Once he found the best place to drill the well, he pulled out the crystal ball pendulum. He pointed at the ground and asked “Hay agua aqui?” (Is there water here?); the pendulum began to swing. He counted. Supposedly, the number of swings indicated the number of meters below the surface the water will be found. His pendulum said anywhere between 15 and 35 meters. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now, I don't want to be a jerk, but that's a pretty big range, especially when you pay for drilling by the meter! Given the range and the fact that he'd told my in-laws they'd find water at 15 meters and didn't find it until 40, I was pretty skeptical (again). So, he let me try again. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I tried once silently and he corrected me: I had to point at the ground and ask the question aloud, otherwise how would the earth know I was talking to it? So, I did and … nothing. He insisted I try again… nothing. I told him not to worry; the earth just didn’t understand my accent. <span style=""> </span>He assured me that it was not my accent; I just didn’t have the “vibras” (vibes) to get an answer. <span style=""> </span>Honestly, I'd rather it be an accent thing than a lack of “vibras”!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Anywho, it was a fun day… I learned a little and laughed a lot. Only the drilling of the well will tell whether he is right or not. Keep your fingers crossed that we find water at 15 meters!!!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So, we “found” water… Steps 2 and 3 to be done simultaneously:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(2) Drill well</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(3) Find an architect- more on the architect search to come…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">PS. I realize Ely hasn’t appeared in “recent posts”- not that there have been many. She is still alive and well and perfect (well, to her mommy and daddy anyway).</span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-22972125905298505652011-01-29T17:32:00.000-08:002011-01-29T17:33:35.080-08:00Seven years and I'm still botching it...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>ES</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> 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mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">I´ve lived in this long, skinny country for seven years now (gasp!), but I must confess, I'm FAR from having it figured out. There are some guidelines that I know and do my best to abide by. There's a whole other set that I don't know/understand. And, then there's the set that I know perfectly well, but forget.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">Let me set the scene by saying that having a housekeeper/cleaning lady here is quite normal- it is not an indicator of some new luxurious lifestyle. These arrangements range from live-in, full time housekeeper to once a week cleaning lady. I have the latter and I had a new lady this week.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">I really like her. Not only does she work independently so I can take care of Ely and translate while she naps, but she helped me make lunch and split a beer with me at lunch. While I have loved my previous cleaning ladies, I was never able to convince them to have a beer in the middle of the day- no matter how hot it was. I’m not a big drinker, at all, but I do appreciate a cold beer on a hot day and Thursday was a scorcher!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">So, we had our first day together and it was a relative success. She cleaned. We ate lunch. Split our beer. I paid. We both got what we expected out of the deal. Then, it was time to go and I messed up and made things all weird.<br /><br />Let me give you a little background: As a whole, I find Chileans to be REALLY clean people. Like REALLY clean. Their houses are clean. While housekeepers play a part in that, I've found this to be categorically true even in homes without a housekeeper. (Side note: LB, if you're reading this, I bet you wish I'd spent more time in Chile before living with you in college. I've learned a few things ;))<br /><br />Personal hygiene is off the charts (excluding boys between 18-20 who do their best to look dirty once they are finally free from the demands of their<i style=""> colegio</i>, although I have a sneaking suspicion that their mothers make them shower daily and that their dirty appearance is the result of A LOT of effort). <span style=""> </span>All of my (Chilean) officemates used to have toothbrushes in their desks for use after lunch or any random snack. All of the guys that work with R shower before leaving work. My darling husband ALWAYS <s>showers </s>used to shower before we (used to) go out at night- no matter how late we are running. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">So, since it was <u>such</u> a hot day and she worked really hard, I thought our new cleaning lady might be uncomfortable going home without taking a shower. So, I offered her the option. Her response, </span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">I don’t have a towel.</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US"><span style=""> </span>To which I smiled and responded </span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">I have one I can lend you</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">" </span><span style="" lang="EN-US">and scampered off to get it. I produced the towel and she took it and headed upstairs dutifully. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">As soon as I was up the stairs, I had a ‘doh’ moment. I’d totally and completely forgotten what I’ve been told many times… some Chileans don’t share towels. Towel sharing has never been an issue for me. I just assume that if someone is offering me a towel, it’s clean. Maybe that’s naïve, but I’ve survived so far.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">I know of a few ladies of a certain age who take towels to hotels. <span style=""> </span>R’s uncle who is a great handyman was working here and brought his own towel for the end of the day shower. I’ve never asked what the issue is because I’m usually told in one of two contexts (1) Another <i style="">gringa</i> asking if her mother-in-laws no towel sharing policy is the norm (2) Going somewhere and R tells me to remember towels because X doesn’t share towels. I’ve never been comfortable enough to ask X </span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">So, why you don’t want to share your towels with us?</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US"> Although, I do assume that it’s related to the cleanliness thing.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">So, in an effort to be nice and sensitive to the cleanliness factor, I had accidentally forced an unwanted towel on my new cleaning lady. So as not to offend me, she’d taken it into the bathroom and appeared 10 minutes later, freshly perfumed. I chose not to address my faux paus. I couldn’t come up with anything that wouldn’t sound like </span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">Why don’t you want to share my towel?</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US"> thereby making things weirder. So, I zipped it and said good-bye.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">I went upstairs to get the towel to throw it in the wash I was doing- and noticed it wasn’t damp. I glanced over and the tub wasn’t wet either. I had made her so uncomfortable that she’d faked a shower to avoid offending me! Eeeekkk!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">I really hope that she comes back next week… I bet she’ll bring her own towel, lest I force another on her. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">At least when you’re new to a country and/or are clueless to the guidelines, you don’t know when you’ve botched it… I hate when this happens.<span style=""> </span>Seven years into it, I’m definitely passed my </span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">She’s new here. She doesn’t know</span><span style="" lang="EN-US">"</span><span style="" lang="EN-US"> grace period. </span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-49824563529433353052011-01-13T17:01:00.000-08:002011-01-13T17:49:03.193-08:00Lunch Line of Life<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>ES</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> 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mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">Flashback: Little blonde girl sits in her classroom listening to the day's menu on the morning announcements. This particular little girl was always quite confused by one particular lunch item: choiceoftwo. Yes, every morning the announcer would list the options: main meal, choiceoftwo, and milk.<br /><br />As a card carrying member of the bring-your-own-lunch club, I distinctly remember wondering what that part of the meal looked like. I never saw anything unidentifiable on my friends' plates. Well, that may not be<i style=""> entirely</i> true, but nothing that I could imagine being called choiceoftwo.<br /><br />When I got older and bringing my lunch became<i> so</i><i style=""> embarrassing</i>, I finally figured it out: Everyone got to choose two of the three to five totally unappetizing options. No matter what I chose, I always wanted to try the other options. You know, just in case. Usually, if we wanted to take two tasty things and asked for an extra apple, the cafeteria manager would concede, but no one could try ALL the options: choice or two, you see.<br /><br />Life may offer a variety of options that is more appealing than an elementary school lunch, but you certainly can't try them all. I find myself constantly reminding myself of this- you are currently reading exhibit A. As I see my friends develop rock solid careers, take awesome vacations, pursue higher education, etc. <span style=""> </span>I feel like I’m missing something, which might be more appealing than what I’ve got.<br /><br />How do you go through the lunch line of life and really, truly value what you have? I LOVE my life, really and truly. I am married to my best friend. I have a sweet daughter who teaches me more each day than I could ever teach her. I’m blessed with parents that are able and willing to spend their vacation time with us, a house that is a home, lifetime friends and new friends, and two adorable (if incestuous) dogs.<br /><br />Why in the world am I still looking for that extra apple?<br /><br />I, like many of us, was raised to believe that anything is possible; that you can have it all if you only work hard enough. While optimism is important, I'd like to take a second to call BS on that. I just don't think I can, or anyone can, for that matter.<br /><br />I don't think I can work from home enough to take awesome trips and be as available as I want to be for Ely.<br /><br />I don't think I can pursue an awesome career or even that master's degree, be available for Ely and have the energy left over to nurture my marriage.<br /><br />I don't think I can nurture my marriage, pursue higher education, raise Ely, work from home (Gotta pay for that degree somehow!) and maintain my physical and mental health.<br /><br />I hate to be a downer, but I don't think I'm the only one. Something has got to give and at this point, for me, it can't be time or energy spent on Ely or my marriage. This day of her childhood and our relationship are the only things that won't be on the menu tomorrow.<br /><br />The bounty is plentiful and we can all choose a lot more than two options, but trying a little bit of all of them will leave us with a stomach/heart ache gets in the way of enjoying any of them.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">Now, I’m scurrying off to be thankful that I was able to choose this life. Your choices might be different and equally fulfilling, but I think it’s worth recognizing that the position and ability to make these choices is worth being thankful for.<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-US">Please remind me of that next time I’m asking for an extra apple.</span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-15566470169967612672010-12-01T07:53:00.000-08:002010-12-01T08:13:32.374-08:00Owner's Manuals<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:relyonvml/> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> 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name="Bibliography"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">One day, I was talking to my dear friend, <a href="http://www.bearshapedsphere.blogspot.com/">Eileen</a>. I was probably complaining about something that someone had done that I didn’t like, but realized most people would consider normal. She said something along the lines of: We all have our own owner’s manual, kind of like a washing machine. There are certain rules for dealing with us and if we communicate them to the people we love, they should respect them. If it’s not in the manual (i.e. we haven’t communicated it), we can’t hold others responsible. <span style=""> </span>Disclaimer: She is MUCH better with words than I am. So, I am sure that it was much more eloquently stated.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Anyway, that was really a turning point for me. I got much better about calmly, clearly asking people to treat me the way I need to be treated- and about realizing that, when I hadn’t done that and a person didn’t follow my “owner’s manual” rules,<span style=""> </span>I was partially responsible. I also started being more aware of other peoples’ manuals, which helped a great deal in not expecting others (especially R) to react to a situation exactly as I would.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I spent the first year of Ely’s life really trying to get to know her- to “listen” to her as she tried to communicate her owner’s manual. I’m not saying I understand why she does everything she does, but I can say without a doubt that I’m an expert on Ely, at least for now, before her emotional world gets much more complicated. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So, it makes me cringe when people do things to which I know she doesn’t respond well. Never fear. She is pretty darn effective at communicating her feelings! The problem arises when adults get their feelings hurt by her reactions or her generally avoiding contact with them.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Here are a couple things from her “owner’s manual” that might help:</span></p> <ul><li><span lang="EN-US">If you rush up to me and make loud sounds 2 inches from my face, I’m unlikely to respond well to you.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">I take a while to warm up to people. I have to see if I can trust you. When I decide I like you, you’re in. Forever.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">Whiskers hurt. If you haven’t shaved, please don’t rub your face on me.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">If I say “no”, when you ask for a kiss, please don’t pick me up and smother me with kisses. I won’t like it and, I don’t mean to be a jerk, but it is my body, after all.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">When I say or sign “all done”, I’m full. Please don’t shove more food in my mouth.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">If you’ve just finished smoking a cigarette, you stink. I don’t want you to hold me.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">If I fall and you laugh. That's rude. Please don't tell me nothing happened. I'm the only one who knows if it hurt. How about treating me like you would any other person and asking me if I'm okay?<br /></span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">When you offer your arms and I say “no”, I’m serious. If you pick me up/pull me away from someone else anyway, I will get upset. I might kick and push away. That’s not being bad. That’s self-defense. </span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">When you offer your arms, I say “no” and you pretend like you were going to give me something (candy, etc.) if I’d complied, I don’t understand what you are saying. Plus, I don’t know what candy is. Maybe you should just be nice to me and let me warm up to you first.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">I’m only 16 months and the world is still new to me. If I’m feeling scared, tired, snuggly and want to hang with mom or dad, I’m not overly dependent. I don’t have “<i style="">mamitis</i>” and I am not “<i style="">con la maña</i>”. <span style=""> </span>I’m just acting my age.</span></li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(Okay, maybe the last two were more me than her, but still…)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Looking back at those, they aren’t all that crazy. Most of them are true for me. I’d imagine that they’re true for you, too. Could it be that kids are people, too? Possibly?</span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-79594802021659089362010-12-01T05:12:00.000-08:002010-12-01T05:15:38.822-08:00Paper AngelsOur house is a mix of kiddy music and Christmas carols these days. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UVIZpRm8ks">This song</a> brought tears to my eyes this morning.<br /><br />After what I wrote last night, it seemed too perfect not to share it. I encourage you to get past the twang and listen to the message: Kids are our responsibility- at Christmas and always.Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-31974097304605626762010-11-30T18:04:00.000-08:002010-12-01T03:30:58.026-08:00Mother Lionesses Unite<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> Ely’s birth was very painful for me, both physically and emotionally. It was an unplanned C-section and I had a lot of issues surrounding that. A wiser person, in a country like Chile with a c-section rate of 40%, would have at least contemplated the possibility of a c-section and prepared for it. But, ever the optimist, I was sure that these “birthing hips” I’ve had since I was 13 were about to be put to good use. So, I didn’t do any reading on the process and when you like to be in control like I do, not knowing what they are doing, how they are doing it and what the risks are is pretty darn scary.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Not being able to stand up and attend to your baby's needs those first few days is confusing and heartbreaking. Also, while the medical care I was given was first-rate, it seemed that they weren’t prepared to deal with the emotional side of what had happened to me- And yes, I say “to me” because at the very core of my being, it still feels like a violent act was committed against us.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">In retrospect, I’m just happy to have a happy, healthy little one.<span style=""> </span>I finally started coming to terms with the whole thing when I read something another woman <span style=""> </span>said to her child. She described her scar as "the door to where you used to live". I cried and emotional healing began. (For the record, if I had to choose between this less-than –lovely experience and not having Ely, I’d say, “bring on the pain!”)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> On July 24th at 19:49, I gave birth to two beings: Ely and the mother bear to protect her. At our Mom's Thanksgiving, we touched on the mother bear topic, but this time she was a lion. So, for the rest of this post, we’ll go with lion. I remembered the less-than-lovely nurse who, about 12 hours after having Ely when I was trying to stand up and was doubled over in pain, <span style=""> </span>told me“You have to be brave. You’re a mother now.” I was livid and I snarled at her, “Don’t tell me I have to brave. I would throw myself in front of a truck for that kid, but I physically can not do this." I didn't see that nurse again (thank goodness!) but that momma lion emerged for the first time right then and there. She is here to stay (and she is REALLY brave!) </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> One of the lioness' superhuman powers is <a href="http://www.babyrabies.com/2009/10/05/mommy-visions-this-is-not-a-funny-post/">mommy visions</a>. These mommy visions are sometimes ridiculous<span style=""> </span>and concrete like the recurring one that Ely’s taking a bath, the phone rings and I come back to find that she has drowned. To clarify, there’s nothing ridiculous about drowning in the bath, but it is ridiculous to think that I would leave her alone in the bath tub. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The more bothersome mommy visions are those that I can’t prevent by controlling my own actions. One that has been on my mind lately is sexual abuse. A while ago, Ely had a nasty bad bruise in the diaper area. I’d been with her constantly for two days before the bruise appeared. So, I knew that there was nothing to worry about and chalked it up to a weird fall, but that really brought the whole abuse thing at the forefront of my mind.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Sexual abuse has been in the news lately within the context of clerical, school abuses; and individual cases of step brothers and uncles preying on our little ones. On one hand, I’m glad to see these things in the news because it means that the victims aren't being silenced, but on the other I wish, with every bone in my body that there weren’t cases to report on, that this was simply not a problem.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">But, alas, it is not so and the worries overwhelm me at times. I’ve made lists and talked to R about things we can do to prevent such situations, but the realization that we cannot totally protect her from people who prey on children is heart wrenching. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I wish that I could have a more circumspect outlook on this, but I will admit that when I hear about cases on the news, I always feel the most animalistic instincts of revenge emerge. I’m quite sure that, if the situation ever did arise and it were my baby on the news, I would be in jail shortly thereafter. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">As I write this, I hear my heart crying its non-violent cry, "Vengance is mine saith the Lord.” But, I can not quiet the hatred my human heart feels. My stomach and heart literally ache every time there’s a tale of a child being mistreated or abused, sexually or otherwise. It's always been that way, but even more so now that I imagine Ely's sweet face on every one of those children.<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I always long to “press rewind” and to hug the child, and love him/her as unconditionally as I love little Ely and provide the lioness protection that every child deserves. Every. Single.Kid deserves it, black white, purple or green, poor or rich, tall or short. Every.Single.One. <span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The fact that I can not physically and financially provide for all of those children, that I can not press rewind and take them away to be care-free kids drives a knife through my soul. So, maybe the lioness that was born on July 24<sup>th</sup> wasn’t just born to protect Ely. Maybe the lioness was born to open my eyes to the plight of other children, too. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">But, where are those children’s lionesses’? This overwhelming desire to protect that I feel is not extraordinary. It's what nature intended to happen. So, what on earth is going on in our society that children are victimized and women's natural instincts are not protecting them? And how the heck do we stop it?<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(To be clear, I'm NOT blaming the moms. Like I said, we can't protect our kids all the time. I'm refering to a specific case in which the mother knew what was happening and didn't stop it. Although, I will say that in the absence of a fully-functioning mother lioness to protect a child, I think society, as in me and you, have an obligation to step in when we suspect a child is being abused.)<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I’ve focused on sexual abuse here because it's what's been haunting me most lately, but we all know that there are other types: physical, emotional. Maybe abuse is the symptom of an underlying problem with how our society views children. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Lately I read a pretty powerful piece about fathers and children. I realize that the vast majority of fathers are not sexual predators, but from what I hear there is plenty of physical and emotional abuse in some homes. <span style=""> </span>I’d encourage you to read <a href="http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/you-just-broke-your-child.html">this</a> and share it with others because maybe, just maybe we can reach one person who could be a potential predator and affect change in how they see the children with whom they are entrusted. I don't think the solution to the problem is that easy, but it might make a difference to someone and it's worth a shot. Anything is.</span></p><br />Here's a <a href="http://www.rainn.org/get-information/sexual-assault-prevention/protecting-a-child-from-sexual-assault">link </a>about preventing sexual abuse.<br />Here's a <a href="http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/protecting-child-sex-abuse?page=3">link</a> about how to recognize signs of sexual abuse.Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-64656013478790807452010-11-26T08:06:00.000-08:002010-11-26T08:20:21.810-08:00I'm late, but still thankful...Yesterday, Ely and I spent the day with friends. There was turkey and yams and a dip in the pool. It was a lovely Thanksgiving, indeed. I felt thankful all day long, but didn't have a chance to write about how thankful I am. So, here it comes...<br /><br />Little Ely- every day with you is the best day of my life. Even when you are cranky and not all that fun, I'm thankful that you are my baby. Being your mom makes me a more patient, more circumspect, more loving person.<br /><br />R- What can a girl say? I'm thankful for your unconditional love, for having married my bestest friend. I'm thankful that you send me random text messages to thank me for "giving up" everything for this life we share. I'm thankful that I can respond, with complete honesty, that I wouldn't change this life for anything in the world.<br /><br />Friends Near and Far- I'd count myself rich to have just one of you. Having so many true friends, whether we talk all the time or don't get to catch up very often, is a blessing. Thank you to each and every one of you.<br /><br />Mom and Dad- There are no words. Really.<br /><br />So many people who are really clinging to something: a life, a relationship, a house, a job, health, a pregnancy, a difficult child, are still able to count themselves lucky. When they do, they often say, "I'm just thankful that..."<br /><br />This year I'm thankful that there is no "just" in my thanks. I am whole-heartedly thankful for every single blessing this year and the wonderful absence of serious problems at this moment. That may change tomorrow, but I'm thankful for it now.<br /><br />Happy Black Friday!Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-85758933996034283482010-11-10T06:06:00.000-08:002010-11-10T06:23:59.450-08:00Worry du jour<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">We all have our own brands of craziness, right? At least that is what I like to think. It might just be since I’m slightly <i style="">loca,</i> I like to think that others must be. If that's not the case, don't tell me. It would really rock my world.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Here’s one of my preferred brands: I drive myself crazy. Yes, it’s true. I drive myself to insomnia and constant nervousness. I have a tendency to isolate one idea, usually based on a future decision, and I worry and worry and worry and well, you get the point. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Buscaglia">Leo Buscaglia</a> had it on the nose when he said, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” Logically, I know that this is a silly problem that I would benefit from nipping in the bud. But since I come by it naturally (Thanks mom!) and have no idea how to get rid of it, I’ll just indulge it and tell you about the thing that's been keeping me up lately.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The topic <i style="">du jour</i> is Ely’s education. To be honest, this is not <i style="">du jour</i>. This has been around since before she was born. We've always known that our child(ren)'s education was THE major drawback to staying in Chile. When she was six weeks old, R started looking at apartments in my parents’ vicinity. He’d decided that we needed to make an international move so Ely could go to the elementary school I attended. I talked him down from that ledge, reminding him that even if the move would provide an excellent, multicultural elementary education, it would not provide health insurance or jobs for us, both of which were more immediate needs.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">This whole education thing is a valid concern in a country that doesn’t have a decent public school system. The other two options are: <i style="">Colegios Subvencionado</i> and <i style="">Colegios Particulares</i>. <i style="">Colegios Subvencionados</i> are partially funded by the public education system, but each child pays tuition, too. These schools generally offer better academics than public schools at a price that is more accessible than a <i style="">Colegio Particular. </i><span style=""> </span><i style="">Colegios Particulares</i> are private schools, some of which offer truly first rate educations. Since spots in those schools are highly sought after, they come with some serious competition and an even more serious price tag.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">There is a private school within walking that our neighbors are happy with, but doesn't have very good standardized test results. It costs X per month. There is a school on the “other side of the world” that caters mostly to diplomats’ kids that costs 7X, not to mention the whole gamut of schools in between! Where does one even begin the selection process? Is it wiser to go with a school that costs a reasonable 2 or 3X and save the money for enriching experiences? Or is it worth the sacrifice to pay 4 or 5X for a school with a swimming pool and IB program? </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><span style=""> </span>We also have to figure transportation into the equation. We have the school within walking distance and schools that would take an hour to get to by car. I would have to pick her up and drop her off, which would take somewhere between 30 minutes to four hours each day. Again, there’s a whole city of schools in between. Am I being selfish not wanting to spend too much time in the car? Or overprotective not wanting to hire stranger with a minivan to pick her up and drop her off?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> Let’s not even get into the religion piece, or let's do. We're Christian, but not Catholic. I hold tight to the idea that religion is a personal decision, a relationship if you will, and I don’t particularly want Ely in a school where she is expected to participate unquestioningly in rituals in which she may or may not believe. However, most of the schools with both strong academics and affordable tuitions are Catholic schools. Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? If opting out of mass and religion classes is an option, am I keeping something from her? Would I be making her more likely to be ostracized?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> <span style=""></span>If I remove myself from the issue a little bit, I can tell you all the logical things that you might tell me to soothe my nerves:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> 1. Primary and high school are more about socialization and learning how to learn than REAL learning (beyond reading, writing and arithmetic, of course).</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> 2. Research shows that a child’s school environment has a much lesser effect than the home environment.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> 3. Children are adaptable. She will be fine no matter where you send her.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> 4. A school’s reputation matters a lot less than how your individual child feels and performs there.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And those things? They are all true. I know it. But, there is a constant internal conversation that goes a little something like this:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Okay, Number 1, but in a place where classism and nepotism are the M.O. and people form tight circles with their “colegio” friends, might it not be worth the sacrifice to socialize Ely with the people who are practically destined to powerful because of the social standing they were born into? Are those potential social and business contacts worth a sacrifice? </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And number 2: totally behind you, but I don't know of any university admissions officers that make home visits. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Number 3: yes, but is fine good enough? I don't want to serve her the world on a silver platter. Even if I could, that doesn't do any good for anyone. But, shouldn’t I aspire to more “fine” for her?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And you, number 4, absolutely, hands down in agreement. But why do I feel like I have a choice between strong academics and a school where she will develop as a person? <span style=""> </span>All of this just seems like a bunch of false choices.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I don’t expect her to be a rocket scientist (unless she wants to be!), but I also don’t want her stuck in a dead-end job she hates because we made the wrong choices for her. I want her to flourish into the person she wants to be and not be limited by where she went to kindergarten. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I want a school that is reasonably accessible at a price that doesn’t require a second mortgage. I want a balance of academics, sports, social development, and maybe field trips. Is that way too much to ask?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It’s a big task this parenting thing. Making life-impacting decisions for a whole separate human is huge. Did I really sign up for this? I can’t even make my own decisions without giving myself insomnia for weeks or, in this case, years beforehand!!<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So, seriously, talk to me. I don't care if it's through a comment, facebook or email. Share your insight and soothe my soul...<br /></span></p> <ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span lang="EN-US">What is important in a school for your child/your family?</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span lang="EN-US">If you have a school-aged child, what do you like/dislike about his/her school?</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span lang="EN-US">What are your best/worst memories of school?</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style=""><span lang="EN-US">How much do you think school affects the people we ultimately become? </span></li></ul>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-1847497330507218192010-11-09T04:26:00.001-08:002010-11-09T04:47:30.908-08:00Guess we're not the only ones...I'm often asked why I don't post pics of Ely on Facebook and untag pics of her when other people do post them. I'm also asked why I don't put pictures up here... Some think we're crazy, but it's a cost/benefit thing.<br /><br />What's the benefit to distributing pics of Ely to all my long lost friends and acquaintances? Of course, I'm ridiculously proud of her and Facebook is like a big fat wallet full of pictures, but is it worth granting Facebook rights to those pictures and putting them out there for just anyone to use her image for whatever reason?<br /><br />We have a private, password protected blog for pictures that we share with people we trust and have enough of a relationship with to know that sharing is safe. We might be crazy, but we're not the only ones...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.jessicagottlieb.com/2010/11/the-momblogosphere-wants-its-photos/" target="_blank"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1289305534_0">http://www.jessicagottlieb.com/2010/11/the-momblogosphere-wants-its-photos/</span></a><br /><br />Food for thought.Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-77694838315604099302010-11-08T04:55:00.000-08:002010-11-08T04:58:13.554-08:00Crianza amorosa<a href="http://www.farodevigo.es/comarcas/2010/11/04/sociedad-valores-humanos-necesita-hijos-crianza-amorosa-lagrimas/487498.html">This is one of many articles</a> that I've been reading lately. I thought it was worth sharing with anyone who's interested in child rearing and reads Spanish.Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-9120450275184628862010-11-03T17:42:00.000-07:002010-11-03T18:05:44.875-07:00Barefoot Babes...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:relyonvml/> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>ES</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> 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mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-ansi-language:EN-US; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">One day this (north American) summer, I was in the US and Skype-ing with my dear husband. We had the following conversation:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“T, why doesn’t Elisa have shoes on?”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“Because it’s hot outside and we’re in the house.”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“She needs to have shoes on.”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“Why?”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“So her feet don’t get big”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(insert weird look and an eye roll here)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">“Why do you think your feet are so big?”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(I burst out laughing.)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now, after seven years in Chile and five of them married to a Chilean, I’ve learned that most cultural differences are not a matter of right or wrong, rather a difference in perspective and/or life experience. Most times I can accept and respect beliefs for what they are; however, the need to cling tight to shoes is one belief that I really struggle with respecting. <span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I’ve learned to smile and accept the admonitions that: my insistence on going shoeless (even in the house) will get me sick and then I’ll give whatever horrible illness results to my daughter, who is innocent in the whole matter; and that the <span style="font-style: italic;">bichos</span> (literally bugs, but in this case germs) in Chile are “stronger” and I don’t realize what I’m up against. Not to mention that any time Ely or I have a stuffy nose, it's because I've been going <span style="font-style: italic;">pies pelados</span> (bare foot, but applies to stocking feet, too).<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(Note: A concerned acquaintance asked her doctor about my horrible habit of going barefoot in the house. (No joke!) Her doctor told her that if they do that in my country and I’ve grown up doing it, my immune system is stronger and that is why I don’t get as sick as Chileans would. He also told her that she should not try the same thing, for she didn’t have such a dangerous upbringing. <span style=""> </span>(Phew! Glad to know that evolution has saved me!))</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So, I’m pretty used to the broken record telling me that daring to take my shoes off indoors will bring great peril. I'm not used to nor was I prepared for my darling husband telling me that the peril has already come- in the form of gigantic, sasquatch feet! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">(Another note: Apparently, my mother-in-law had also noticed Ely’s bare feet in a Skype session. It was so noteworthy that she commented to my parents’ Chilean neighbor, who asked me about it.)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now, I will admit, wearing a 9 ½ in Chile is not something I would recommend, if you have any control over the matter. Here’s why:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Shoe shopping goes a little something like this:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">#1 I walk into a store without bothering to look around. I find a sales associate who looks like they might be willing to help me and ask politely, <span style="font-style: italic;">Cuales modelos tienen en cuarenta?</span> (Which models do you have in 9 ½?) Invariably, the sales associate looks me up and down in disbelief and says, <span style="font-style: italic;">Cuarenta?</span>!?!?! (9 ½?) If they are older, sometimes I get, <span style="font-style: italic;">Estas segura, mija?</span> (Are you sure, honey?) Once I explain that I do, in fact, wear <span style="font-style: italic;">cuarenta</span>, they either ask their co-worker if there’s anything available in <span style="font-style: italic;">cuarenta</span> (who then has the same reaction) or head back to the stock room. If I’m lucky, they come out with a box or two. If not, they shake their head with pity and tell me they have nothing to offer. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"># 2 Just today, I got a pedicure with paraffin wax. Well, my foot didn’t fit in the <span style="font-size:78%;">little</span> bucket <span style=""></span>with the paraffin . The podologist looked at me, seemingly embarrassed, and said “Don’t worry. Put your heel in and I’ll splash the paraffin on your toes.” I smiled and agreed. She told me not to worry. She did not say that it happens to everyone, just that I shouldn’t worry about my enormous feet. (Did you see me just cross that off my worry list?)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So, you see, having large feet <i style="">is</i> quite inconvenient and could be a horrible problem if not for frequent trips to DSW when I’m in the States. But, let’s move away from my feet and talk about Ely’s feet…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">In most cases, when R voices a strong opinion on parenting, I respect his wishes. But, this shoe thing, I confess, I have not followed through on. We’ve come back to a spring that feels more like summer and I am enjoying the cool tile under my feet. So, I’d imagine Ely is, too.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Last night, after dinner, I offered Ely a walk around the block in her <s>chariot </s>tricycle. She liked the idea and went to look for her shoes, saying “djuice, djuice” as if she were calling them. She came back with one. I went to find the other, but it was not to be found. <span style=""> </span>I had four choices: </span></p> <ol><li><span lang="EN-US">Renege on the offer and face the consequences (Darn this age when she understands!!)</span></li><li><span style="" lang="EN-US"><span style=""><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Keep looking for the shoe and push bath time and bed time back.</span></li><li><span style="" lang="EN-US"><span style=""></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Take her with one shoe</span></li><li><span style="" lang="EN-US"><span style=""></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Take her without shoes</span></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Seeing as how this is a tricycle that I push (she doesn't use her feet) and it was 80 degrees outside (see? Not springy!) I chose option four. She didn’t seem to notice. We happily pushed around the block. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Guess how many people commented on her shoelessness? THREE! (a security guard, a mom and a grandma) With each comment, I giggled to myself and explained the whole not being able to find the other shoe. The guard smiled and nodded. The mom and grandmother both looked at me as if I was publicly abusing my daughter.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I didn’t go home embarrassed or annoyed. I went home feeling triumphant that I was able to give my little girl part of the essential <span style="font-style: italic;">gringa</span> experience: summer (or spring, as the case may be) barefooted-ness! I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I'm glad to have my concerned acquaintance’s doctor’s “expert” opinion telling me that if I start her young, she’ll be able to do this her entire life! And thank goodness Ely’s growing up in a globalized society and can order shoes in whatever size she ends up wearing. (Maybe this is what she will hate me for when she’s a teenager?)</span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-67025978306620712632010-10-31T19:12:00.000-07:002010-10-31T19:26:35.441-07:00PumpkinsLong time, no write. I have lots of thoughts, but nothing that I've had time to put in order enough to make worth sharing. So, how about some pictures of our pumpkins?<br /><br />This was R's first ever pumpkin carving! He did a great job, didn't he?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Ifnyopw7M65o47qmcDZqaQSHj2LrRBubIputXpGYeOlT1ADiFu08EL-oTZkhUXUEI-HbDejQ6FWESEjbw8hytLVthXatiobcXvuKQm_xwOPjhzC5dyLxSkGt-lS3zAy6L0MDPBhcV2su/s1600/Titos+first+pumpkin_small.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Ifnyopw7M65o47qmcDZqaQSHj2LrRBubIputXpGYeOlT1ADiFu08EL-oTZkhUXUEI-HbDejQ6FWESEjbw8hytLVthXatiobcXvuKQm_xwOPjhzC5dyLxSkGt-lS3zAy6L0MDPBhcV2su/s400/Titos+first+pumpkin_small.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5534398990173963298" border="0" /></a><br />And, after a rough start, I think mine turned out okay, too.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpRXs0QBPc6F0E8tW0FbHUL7kTvKk-X7-FDtcgeJrt-udV1zIdmLyJNYIQ35hdtp-QgPCNb5ryI2_VGTfhpXx80Le43XgFsGgFi9xdfr8mVkRKKMeDL8P3_RygzNvFaZa3_ylAvSvh3Fx2/s1600/Taryns+pumpkin_small.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpRXs0QBPc6F0E8tW0FbHUL7kTvKk-X7-FDtcgeJrt-udV1zIdmLyJNYIQ35hdtp-QgPCNb5ryI2_VGTfhpXx80Le43XgFsGgFi9xdfr8mVkRKKMeDL8P3_RygzNvFaZa3_ylAvSvh3Fx2/s400/Taryns+pumpkin_small.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5534398988065776370" border="0" /></a>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-89460376509317021312010-10-17T17:30:00.000-07:002010-10-18T14:29:24.710-07:00The Man-Bra<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:relyonvml/> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> 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name="Subtle Reference"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="32" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Intense Reference"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="33" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Book Title"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="37" name="Bibliography"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-ansi-language:EN-US; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">One of the books I picked up lately is by Laura Gutman, an Argentine psychotherapist. It´s called, <u>La Maternidad y el Encuentro con la Propia Sombra</u> (Motherhood and the Discovery of One’s Own Shadow.)<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">She starts with the idea that at birth and for a while after, mother and child are one. Then, she goes on to say that the role of the father is to “support and separate”. <span style=""> </span>In conversation, I’ve called it the “man bra” concept. (If I could find a nursing bra that could pull that off, I’d be all set.)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">In conversations about those post-partum weeks, I’ve repeatedly heard, “He said, ´I feel like I’m not doing anything. ` I almost punched him!” and variations on the theme. In an effort to save our male counterparts from physical violence, I thought I’d share Dr. Gutman’s ideas.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">According to her, a woman who is properly supported is capable of fulfilling all “maternal” duties. She even says that women don’t actually <u>need </u>a man to help with the baby. (R, this theory applies to newborns and should not be construed to mean that you are off the hook for changing diapers, giving baths, etc. because it takes two. She’s your kid, too.)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Here’s a summary of the role of a <u>newborn</u>’s father:</span></p> <ol><li><span lang="EN-US">Facilitate mother-baby bonding .<span style=""> </span>Take care of (or delegate) everything that is not: feeding, cuddling, changing and holding the baby.</span></li><li><span style="" lang="EN-US"><span style=""><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Defend mother-baby bonding from the outside world. Guard the nest. Keep everyone who is not absolutely necessary away. Fend off criticism and advice.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">Actively encourage introspection. Allow the mother to explore and deal with the emotional upheaval that is childbirth.</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">Provide. Provide for the mother-baby dyad’s physical needs.</span></li><li><span style="" lang="EN-US"><span style=""><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Accept and love the mom.<span style=""> </span>Don’t question how or why she does things. <span style=""> </span>Allow her some space to be a little illogical and love her through it.</span></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">These are all pretty self explanatory, but I will just add that number two seems to vary from woman to woman. Some friends have been anxious to show off their new bundles of joy. I, however, wanted to hibernate for about a month. It wasn’t anything against the visitors; I just had this animal instinct to keep everyone away. <span style=""> </span>That time would have been a lot less stressful if I’d been able to anticipate those feelings and had asked R to “guard the nest”.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Okay, now back to what Dr. Gutman has to say. Anyone who is expected to provide that amount of support needs some sources of strength:</span></p> <ol><li><span lang="EN-US">His pre-existing emotional stability (that wasn’t bushwhacked by hormones and child birth!)</span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">His workplace, where he retains his identity and routine. </span></li><li><span lang="EN-US">His professional position and prestige.<span style=""> </span>(She separates two and three, but I kind of see them as the same.)</span></li><li>D<span lang="EN-US">own time. Reading the paper, watching TV, long showers and all the other things that make us moms want to kick them in the you-know-where.</span></li></ol><span lang="EN-US">Source of Strength Number 4 = Eureka!!! </span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">R is a wonderful father. Really.<span style=""> </span>Truly. Wonderful. However, he seems to think he has retained the right to do certain things that just drive me bonkers! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">When Ely was about six months old, I left her with R in the bathroom while I went to finish laundry. Within a couple minutes, he came into the laundry room, plopped her down and said, “Please take her. I can’t poop in peace.” <span style=""> </span>My response? An expletive. I hadn't read about Dr. Gutman's ideas on the down time R needs to be such a great dad.<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So, fellow madres, I propose making a deal with our beloveds: leisurely poops for services of support and separation. You know what separation is? Girl’s Night Out!!! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">In all seriousness, I think it’s worth considering Dr. Gutman’s ideas about what we<span style="font-style: italic;"> really</span> need those first weeks and what our "man-bras" need, too, because, afterall, it <span style="font-style: italic;">does</span> take two.</span> I'd be interested to know whether you agree with Dr. Gutman's ideas....<br /><span lang="EN-US"></span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-51643385343363105002010-10-15T13:48:00.000-07:002010-10-15T15:06:46.769-07:00Orgullo Ajeno<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL">There's an expression in Spanish: <i>vergüenza ajena</i>. It means feeling embarassed for someone.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> I’d like to use what I think would be the antonym for that expression: <i style="">orgullo ajeno</i>. I don't know if that is a normal expression or if it's an Ely's Momma-ism. What I'm getting at is feeling pride in something that is not really yours to feel proud about. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> </span><i style=""><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Orgullo ajeno </span></i><span style="" lang="EN-GB">is what I feel, along with gratefulness for the miracle that was the rescue, about this whole miner ordeal. I feel proud of the people for following the story for 70 days. </span><span style="" lang="ES-CL">(Let's face it, the collective attention span for anyone news piece is usually not that long!) I feel proud of the miners around the country that showed their solidarity. </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">I feel proud of the engineers and teams who figured out how to get ‘er done. </span><span style="" lang="ES-CL">I feel proud that the majority of the miners chose to emerge wearing shirts that gave thanks to God and quoted scripture (Psalm 95:4, for those who are curious). </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> On a colder, more removed level, I feel proud of Chile for exposing the whole ordeal. </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Some say that it was all a government show. I think the whole situation was too risky to be purposely made a show; and if it looked showy to others, well I think that’s a bargain price to pay for 33 lives. </span><span style="" lang="ES-CL">Not to mention that given the choice, I'd take a show over a cover-up any day of the week. </span><span style="" lang="EN-GB">I dare say that this if this happened in China, we may not have heard about it until the rescue was successful. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> There’s a much smaller story happening in the background here in Chile: The CNTV (National Television Council- a government entity) has "formalized charges” against <i style="">Club de la Comedia</i> (a show that mixes stand up and sketch comedies) for blasphemous sketches. The sketches are, in my opinion, quite offensive not only because they cross the line of poking fun at major figures of the Christian faith, but also because they make light of rape.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> The person who filed the complaint that led to the charges agrees that the sketches would be equally offensive if they were about any other religion, but points out that it is especially unacceptable in a country where 90% of the population is Catholic, but I digress. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> What I really want to say here is that, I disapprove of the sketches and had I been watching the show at the time, I surely would have changed the channel and possibly complained to the station.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> However, if we’re going to get worked up about anti-Catholic programming, let’s start with shows that demean women and their role in society and decay the moral compass of the country. </span><span style="" lang="ES-CL">Let’s start with the meat markets that pass for shows, like <i style="">Morande y Compania</i>, <i style="">Pelotón, Rojo, Mekano</i> or the soft porn that distorts expectations for relationships: <i style="">Infieles, Los Cuarenta</i>, etc. <span style=""> </span>You know, the shows that "every one"watches and people talk about? Garbage in. Garbage out.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> (My Goodness, I sound like my father!)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> Or are the 50% of us that are women less important than 90% that are Catholic?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"> Let’s put that aside for a second because I think there is a greater issue here:</span></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." –Voltaire</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> I want to see the same freedom of speech and freedom of press displayed throughout the miracle of the 33 miners applied here. I don't want the government deciding what is too offensive for TV. After all, changing the channel is always an option and public outrage, letter writing and boycotts are much “safer” methods of changing programming. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="" lang="ES-CL"> A popular movement of that sort against the brain-draining programming on national TV would give me lots of <i style="">orgullo ajeno</i>.</span></p>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-30966896155724787842010-10-12T12:45:00.000-07:002010-10-12T13:32:28.951-07:00Thirty by ThirtyFor the past year, two months and eighteen days, I've been almost exclusively dedicated to a little someone we call Ely. It has been a pleasure, truly. I'd call it the best year, two months and eighteen days of my life, without a doubt. I'm happy for every minute of every day that I'm blessed to be able to stay home with our sweet girl.<br /><br />However, Ely is growing quickly, as kids do. I can't believe how quickly my time with her has flown. If there were a "slow mo" button on her, I assure you, I would have pushed it a loooooong time ago! Alas, she seems to be maturing by the day.<br /><br />As Ely becomes more independent, I'm finding time to do things for myself. To be straight, I'm talking about Ely being able to play independently or sit in her chair hugging her stuffed animals, not packing her bag for college or changing her own diaper, for that matter! Even as she weans herself away from me (and I cherish every second of her needing me), I'm reminded of what I've always known: She is not "mine" and has her own path in life, which means that no matter how much I wish she would stay this size or never demand her own space/life, she will eventually. So, I need to figure out where that leaves me, without forgetting to relish every second of now.<br /><br />I've started to think about about what the future might hold for me, when she needs me less intensely. I have some ideas for what might follow for me professionally, but those need to be "baked" a little bit more before sharing them here. Thinking about the professional future, started to remind me of who I was before Ely joined us. I don't miss that girl at all, but I have to admit, I do miss her body!!!<br /><br />I set a goal for myself: Drop 30 lbs before I turn 30. It's not all baby weight, in fact, most of it (atleast 20lbs) is "stressful, sedentary job" weight that I put on in the two years before I had Ely. When I'm successful, I'll be around where I was when R and I go married. It took alot of work to get into that wedding dress, but I loved the feeling and I want to give it to myself again. I have eight months to do this. I have plenty of time, a plan, and intermediate goals. No need for weird diet and/or chemical products or pills. Is it weird that I'm psyched about this? (and might I confess that I'm writing about it partially because I'm psyched and partially for accountability??)<br /><br />In all honesty, I don't feel bad about my body right now. It's not perfect, but it's healthy and it gave me this sweet little one sitting next to me and continues to nourish her. I'm thankful for it and to it. It feels like a nursing mom's body, which is fitting. I'm just ready to feel a little more like a lady. I'm ready to <span style="font-style: italic;">love</span> the way a dress looks on.<br /><br />So, thirty by thirty, here we come. I could definitely use a "support group" anyone out there have a similar goal? We should chat!Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-19332280078373017702010-10-10T16:01:00.000-07:002010-10-10T16:05:31.944-07:00Daddy Dearest...My dad was away last week visiting his home town, family and best friend. Since I'm used to seeing my parents on Skype almost every day, I really missed him. So, I got to thinking about my dad and my relationship with him...<br /><br />They say that a woman tends to chose a mate like her father, for better or for worse. Even though, when I was 16 I swore that my father was SO embarassing and would never do such a thing, it seems to have happened.<br /><br />R, you are better dressed, more organized and handy, by any measure! I'm talking about the deeper qualities that you share like: Your love for disgustingly big hamburgers.<br /><br />Okaaaay, in all seriousness, Both love their family first. Dad and R reject traditional roles of aloof fathers and embrace their baby girls with acceptance and overflowing love. They've chosen to be involved in their daughters' lives and they've reaped the rewards- deep relationships.<br /><br />I never realized how blessed I was to have a father that shared the task of parenting with my mother until I got older and compared notes with friends. Along with the countless "thank you"s I owe my dad, the most important one is: Thanks for taking the time to get to know me and thank you for giving me time to get to know you!<br /><br />If there's one thing my dad was born to do, it's be a dad. I'm just thankful that he was mine.<br /><br />Stick around for a long, long time, okay?Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034308127116264187.post-69002337665850261202010-07-30T13:16:00.000-07:002010-10-10T15:57:47.297-07:00Belated Feliz CumpleañosOn July 24, our sweet Ely turned a year old.<br /><br />We knew we wanted to mark the occasion. R's family is rather large when you consider aunts, uncles and cousins. For space and because July weather is iffy, we needed a tent. Here's the inside...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL9nXfb1jcJW0JEDqWeJSqYd98h8ZmQXSQNsJOSFxo82LAby0wEuEnMYQY3jr9IxkqqQp26II_9UX1X78s3lMsFOs88yANM0JgrFCFapgv_OJ4CoFyu5ZsPe8GRwBJlACxMHyY6mQxLcCf/s1600/Elys+tent+blog_small.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL9nXfb1jcJW0JEDqWeJSqYd98h8ZmQXSQNsJOSFxo82LAby0wEuEnMYQY3jr9IxkqqQp26II_9UX1X78s3lMsFOs88yANM0JgrFCFapgv_OJ4CoFyu5ZsPe8GRwBJlACxMHyY6mQxLcCf/s400/Elys+tent+blog_small.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803846538909218" border="0" /></a><br />And the elephant dress that Ely's grandma made her for her Elephant-themed party.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixjnXYC8ChtBvN6laF8fNpflltnsnblR32Ywp48dV4RdI_NAFqmWOBpp2wzSJt32AxqEJ_InA3Czhi_1HhQV1lDKZlFERb9E1QW6RPL3G8XcvGnu8NcJxKLtyxDsWNzW1ePJI-VdedP28N/s1600/Elephant+Dress+for+blog_small.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 286px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixjnXYC8ChtBvN6laF8fNpflltnsnblR32Ywp48dV4RdI_NAFqmWOBpp2wzSJt32AxqEJ_InA3Czhi_1HhQV1lDKZlFERb9E1QW6RPL3G8XcvGnu8NcJxKLtyxDsWNzW1ePJI-VdedP28N/s400/Elephant+Dress+for+blog_small.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803841661227538" border="0" /></a><br />The elephant fun straws that I meant to give to the kids as favors and only remembered to give away about three of them....<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_l6LuKQWH8kYWfTHSpG5vrTNPr_hJVBaZ0ZbQYZC7NgCTrcALbCX-ejtHcBbM9glWBOEjKPTxY-47z6dnK2-W5n8DdpNHwzK_FYjPrKL5MiUUsKV_eSv1f99eyI3659gxl041lEdnx3Ra/s1600/blog+straw.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 350px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_l6LuKQWH8kYWfTHSpG5vrTNPr_hJVBaZ0ZbQYZC7NgCTrcALbCX-ejtHcBbM9glWBOEjKPTxY-47z6dnK2-W5n8DdpNHwzK_FYjPrKL5MiUUsKV_eSv1f99eyI3659gxl041lEdnx3Ra/s400/blog+straw.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803840501318690" border="0" /></a><br />The perfect plate that gave fuel to my elephant-themed party idea.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyZ_krw1O3ZGZcCnpvXqry6k1G4Rnz2BYsRoZAd58X4c6vHSDgUllPNwTbQ9J0SDihyphenhyphen4asxTTs0XKJyxuFcJlLjrWqCG6shv8qdwBcLhDnos0Ldw0QzG45E0bIg1lMeY0OAe_E_rFhYKc8/s1600/blog+elephant+plate.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 350px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyZ_krw1O3ZGZcCnpvXqry6k1G4Rnz2BYsRoZAd58X4c6vHSDgUllPNwTbQ9J0SDihyphenhyphen4asxTTs0XKJyxuFcJlLjrWqCG6shv8qdwBcLhDnos0Ldw0QzG45E0bIg1lMeY0OAe_E_rFhYKc8/s400/blog+elephant+plate.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803838100316050" border="0" /></a>Ely's grandpa working hard to save the "fondant" (which turned didn't turn out to be fondant-y at all. What can I say? I got cocky thinking I could pull that off.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimMUnO8gILjcpG-cBUExEmexlfwmbLmraoksW0lknIEpERDLTn-EO9dKYkOKFRiInT-moO659BeXmoOGKgVWfMtCTvI5IYZvI3xT6m_j0gUQCOv0HMBlzmjH7nFmlmg3NuNFB_JDLNZV8S/s1600/blogfondant.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimMUnO8gILjcpG-cBUExEmexlfwmbLmraoksW0lknIEpERDLTn-EO9dKYkOKFRiInT-moO659BeXmoOGKgVWfMtCTvI5IYZvI3xT6m_j0gUQCOv0HMBlzmjH7nFmlmg3NuNFB_JDLNZV8S/s400/blogfondant.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803258246139602" border="0" /></a>Finally got the frosting on the cake and topped it off with a bow...<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9o8aMmYhAbzLaXWvAns_eeL96cYIkEuVbpJjNigGKCtc_uAixv5d3lxe_U1SQb86vygKEHQx1zQjqYoE-K_iHCwKYn-MN3z_B1BvFnG77IdYPF-B3lwX4tfcaV5juH_lLxObCGczQZrdC/s1600/blog+cake+final.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 286px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9o8aMmYhAbzLaXWvAns_eeL96cYIkEuVbpJjNigGKCtc_uAixv5d3lxe_U1SQb86vygKEHQx1zQjqYoE-K_iHCwKYn-MN3z_B1BvFnG77IdYPF-B3lwX4tfcaV5juH_lLxObCGczQZrdC/s400/blog+cake+final.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803221495550594" border="0" /></a>and the refreshments...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpaZGWYxEoh0ADGi_Br2ejWO_SiQrJAlYv_FjTnCm7cHj4qm7_JG6gToS8zR2-7NVs1tUm1bh_hanxd8-l_t_k2RcUrF7Sov4vlWB-UFw-A9JA14E2u1AhLnRmPLAgywGkv82eszEK5qsH/s1600/blog_the+sprread.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpaZGWYxEoh0ADGi_Br2ejWO_SiQrJAlYv_FjTnCm7cHj4qm7_JG6gToS8zR2-7NVs1tUm1bh_hanxd8-l_t_k2RcUrF7Sov4vlWB-UFw-A9JA14E2u1AhLnRmPLAgywGkv82eszEK5qsH/s400/blog_the+sprread.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803249495659346" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn33WT8SbRjQXop4Hzec7JIzMy1UlQ0kJjc0YDFyPwuPzzU6HDx5gL_eW_5IRIXR0vlTvWnDIW-oujX2TdBk8IM_MIe85WnCfIlBsfK5G48aiiAp5ssx0-SsfoXp_jM27ykwbikxZkZbJB/s1600/blog_cake_present+table.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn33WT8SbRjQXop4Hzec7JIzMy1UlQ0kJjc0YDFyPwuPzzU6HDx5gL_eW_5IRIXR0vlTvWnDIW-oujX2TdBk8IM_MIe85WnCfIlBsfK5G48aiiAp5ssx0-SsfoXp_jM27ykwbikxZkZbJB/s400/blog_cake_present+table.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499803232877288706" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9o8aMmYhAbzLaXWvAns_eeL96cYIkEuVbpJjNigGKCtc_uAixv5d3lxe_U1SQb86vygKEHQx1zQjqYoE-K_iHCwKYn-MN3z_B1BvFnG77IdYPF-B3lwX4tfcaV5juH_lLxObCGczQZrdC/s1600/blog+cake+final.jpg"><br /></a>Ely's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02815962905468444915noreply@blogger.com0